a crush contract

A Submission from Devon Martinez

Hi, you’re Devon right?

Good. I need comfort at your expense; willing to do whatever? Aight I’ll put that to the test. I’m a mess wipe me up with the shirt of your back- don’t slack, or you ain’t getting this effort back.

When I’m upset, like I said, don’t matter what you doing.

I’m upset nothing else should be in your head except me, my problems and how you’re gonna solve ’em.

I know you got mental flesh wounds, enough running tears to fill a swimming pool, and your home decor is a homemade noose above a stepping stool but my inconveniences are sharp and cruel, so I’m gonna dump them upon you like an assignment in school.

No, I don’t give a fuck if you wanna hang with me, I’m ducking you like hunting season. I ain’t making effort for you because you’re not someone I want to be seen with; let’s stay to social media like e-friends until it’s a competition to see who needs more help: in that case you lose, I win.

I know you got feelings for me so I’m gonna use ’em. Don’t care if that breaks your heart, I got demands – you gonna do ’em. Your time, your mental health, your hope I’m gonna abuse ’em then leave you beaten, broken, and crippled for the next girl.

Surely you don’t care cause as long as I’m happy. Don’t matter if the amount of feelings being shared is fair so listen; I don’t like you but I’m gonna act like it, I don’t care about you the way you care about me so don’t get it excited, I don’t care if your smile is beaming as long as mine is.

HA! Mutual effort and feelings? That’s cute; the only time I’d find you appealing is if you’re some sort of fruit cause your skin suit on a scale from 1-10 is a negative 2.

If this deal don’t work out I guess we can be friends where my time won’t bend for you. So sign here and I promise to lead you on, waste your time and make sure I’m never near.

Don’t worry…..I do think you’re kind of cute.